I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
