Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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