he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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