I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
