You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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