i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
