why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
