I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
