I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
