I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
pray to the hookup gods
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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