shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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