i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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