Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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