we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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