I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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