are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
