Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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