I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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