I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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