went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
