Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
