And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
