I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
