Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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