o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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