Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
