I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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