i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You are a genius and a whore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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