Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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