How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
