life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
