"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
