You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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