carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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