My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
