im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
