Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize