so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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