I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
