i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
