kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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