That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize