How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
