I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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