Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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