Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm having to shit out rocks
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
