eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
