I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize