I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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