So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
