Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
