Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
