I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Green mimosas i think yes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
