im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
