I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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