Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
