Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
