my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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