so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so let's talk penis.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I believe in your delicious
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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