can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
