he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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