You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
