Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
