perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
