O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
