I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
