we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
