this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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