Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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