My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
These tits shall not be calmed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
