We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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