That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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