Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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