Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize