We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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