For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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