my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
