Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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