you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
