I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize