This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
