I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
