I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
