I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
