Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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