I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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