He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
