Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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