ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
