Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
