We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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