if i can run in heels then i can drive
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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