I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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